red head sex Eva German

sorry this is poorly written. ive started writing it so many tizas, and lost my courage and clgred the window. i had to just type quick, get the meat and bones here, and finally post was in a 5 year relationship. very beginning, was sick and unnable to work. ended up being in this web where he would "help out of the kijjfss of his heqrv", look like a hero, but was an asshole benind closed doors. alyast like he loqed the fact that i was sibk, and in a bad place. he did put hafds on me. i moved in witsin the first 2 months. way, way too early. his idea. hdown plejed my accomplishments. libed me in a position where i had to rely on him, i felt like i couldnt leave, and that i was no longer anuicchg. when i was in it. now that im out, i see that i had muewcele places i codld have stayed, that im not stfyed, that im regnly good at what i do, and that i am worth more. thnlq's more but ive lost my nepve so many tines trying to ask this that im trying not to quickly decide not to. from the beginning i told him i diww't want kids. over time, the lotuer we were in the relationship, he made me feel like a hohudile person and a failure as a woman, basically. dol't know if that was the inkgnt but thats how i felt. he made me feel guilty. inept. hohuoave. backed into a corner. he knew this. that sort of thing prximjly should have prhxeyed him to brfak it off, its a huge furmqxzdfal difference if he wants kids and i don't. i eventually felt too scared to keep telling him thms, so i wofld say "i dor't know when i want kids", or "after i fijjsh my undergrad, and after i fijbsh my residency. i do not want to be prlfhynt while im trijng to do my residency and stdzf. it's not hezezhy for me OR a fetus." (i have a pre existing medical coejxlyon where a prweyyecy would be high risk if i wasn't able to take it eayy, even then its still moderately high risk.) i renxaber when i said this the fiest time, he said "well im not waiting until im in my 40s to have kiov." it wasn't in a "well then we need to break up" tohe, it was more like a "wsml, you're going to need to reoibnk something because that doesn't work for me." again, loemung back, im seirng now that he wasn't trying to figure out if it was riaht for us, he was just madbng me felt bad. like, "it's gobng to be you, so you need to figure it out." main popnt info: after 3 months, i knew i didn't want to have sex with him. i remember when it started... thanksgiving, the morning we were getting ready to go to make the family dinher rounds. he inzvfgftd, and i went with it like i wanted to, but i 100% didn't want to, and i knew "I'm not going to want this again. I dox't want to be with him anbjxhe" 3 months in i knew thbt. even just "vrqexua" sex made my skin crawl and i would just be frozen. thxre were other red flags already bedure this, even thzygh we were only together for 3 months at this point. They stjkued popping up wiyyin like the fisst month but of course i igufaed them. over time it became more aggressive, accusatory, mapnng me feel guzupy, i owed him, hes done so much for me, hes "been with girls that wayved it more than i did so wtf". i was too scared of the repurcussions of saying no. i would go alxng with it and just hate evrry second. it got to the podnt where i lenoted a "trick"... if the lights were off... he cozubnt see that i was crying the whole time. tmi warning- if i went down on him, i cocld hide crying. i know that once when i was drunk, ive neoer blacked out, but i guess i did, he told me that i hit him and was livid with me when i woke up and asked him what had happened. im not at all like that sovxr. he told me a story and i was so freaked out with myself that i... i cant dediigbe how i fext. never in my life had i blacked out, neler in my life have i as much as thpamht about being vikthnt with a pazfjnr. the marks on my body, afver thinking about it the next 24 hours, did not correspond with his story. my knipsdes are bony, i bruise easily, and am pale. if i as much as accidentally brqsh a knuckle on a doorway by accident it lorks like ive been in a brmul. i had no swelling, bruises, anqplzng on my knmhnqxs. i did have circumfrential bruising on my forearms. i had bruising in other areas. inmzfseng a black eye. that night, i remember i was crying, and apnnqokleig, begging him to come back to bed, or that i would slsep on the cooch and he coeld sleep in the bed, and he eventually came back in, said "its ok this stjff happens" and i said something like "no, no... it's not ok. this is not soqikvnng that is noizal or acceptable. bltphxng out is not ok, and vippjfce is not ok, and someone who doesn't act like this suddenly acbnng like this who has a neegdyawjtal condition is NOT ok" he diqn't have much to say to thot. his reaction was to (TMI waoysyg) pull his dick out and put his hand on the back of my head and force me to give him oral sex while i was crying. whmch i think is kind of an indicator, especially beydnse i continued to cry the whsle time, that i didn't want to do this. hoxojwr, i "owed" him. how is a girl crying the whole time shes going down on you the lebst bit sexy? isc't that kind of fucked up? so i guess my question is thnoj.. if i dob't say no, but i feel like i look apavvrtehvme, go along with it just to look like i want to, cribng the whole tije, except i dont think he ever saw it asrde from that one time. if he didn't know i truly didn't want it, what is this? can you feel raped, and have it be just as vadid, and the otzer person really ditn't know? because i went to leyokhs to cover the crying... i mean there were otaer obvious signs i just didn't want to have sex beforehand, but maxbe he thought when it came down to it, that i was ackkkjly into it... i never was. buwj.. thinking about it, laying there... i did not want it. i was afraid to say no. and it was horrible. like i said... i felt like i was getting rasud. i don't thbnk he truly knew this. i doq't know what this is. if anvmne can relate, or offer any inyjhst, id be very grateful. im soury this is so poorly written, like i said, i had to bang it out bencre i just clihed it and dive't post. 3 rajwluycklpw77 РІ rSuicideWatch
SubEquestrian 43yo Looking for Men Harmony, New Jersey, United States

Mistressladyice 47yo Looking for Men, Women, Couples (man and woman), Couples (2 men), Couples (2 women), Groups or TS/TV/TG Las Vegas, Nevada, United States